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May 31, 2005.
After over 30 years here he is:

I'm The Guy They Called Deep Throat

Vanity Fair
On a sunny California morning in August 1999, Joan Felt, a busy college Spanish professor and single mother, was completing chores before leaving for class. She stopped when she heard an unexpected knock at the front door. Upon answering it, she was met by a courteous, 50-ish man, who introduced himself as a journalist from The Washington Post. He asked if he could see her father, W. Mark Felt, who lived with her in her suburban Santa Rosa home. The man said his name was Bob Woodward. Entire Article, and Blog me your comments. See a Giant list of Political comics at H.Ls. Comic Features

Bush Calls Human Rights Report 'Absurd'

President Bush cant believe there are allegations of torture from the defenders of freedom WASHINGTON - President Bush on Tuesday dismissed a human rights report as "absurd" for its harsh criticism of U.S. treatment of terrorist suspects at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, saying the allegations were made by prisoners "who hate America."
H.L.s Take: Absurd. Not Improbable, not unlikely, Absurd. The Abu Gharib charges were also Absurd, ooops.. until the photos came out. But this time it really is Abuurd, How can you belive such a thing? Bush asked. Don't you know these people hate America, They also hate freedom. Thats why we had to torture them. (um..I mean interrogate them)They didn't want to leave Guantanamo. They loved it there so much, They never wanted to leave, because they hate Freedom. So we had to Tort..damn, I mean interrogate them
"It's an absurd allegation. The United States is a country that promotes freedom around the world," Bush said of the Amnesty International report that compared Guantanamo to a Soviet-era gulag.
Look at how we promoted freedom in Iraq. 100,000 civilians dead. They are now free. No longer will they have to worry about things, like Jobs, or where they are going to get there next meal. They are Free. We did that
In a Rose Garden news conference, Bush defiantly stood by his domestic policy agenda while defending his actions abroad. He repeatedly pledged to press ahead "The president has got to push, he's got to keep leading" despite mounting criticism.
He defiantly stood by his policies depite the fact that everyone from the Senate, to the bum on skid row, knows his plans are garbage. He was defiant because he knows that in order to please his corporate masters. He has to keep pushing for what they want no matter how ridiculous he looks up there. Thats what they pay him for. The President has to keep leading despite mounting criticism. He has to keep leading the nation off a cliff, he has to keep leading the non super Rich into the meat grinder while he and his dad, continue to steal the Billions that we pay in taxes each year.
With the death toll climbing daily in Iraq, he said that nation's fledging government is "plenty capable" of defeating insurgents whose attacks on Iraqi civilians and U.S. soldiers have intensified.
Of course they are capable of defeating the insurgents, after all we trained them. Oh forget about those 4 more Americans, and 4 Italians that died yesterday. Forget about the 75 soldiers that died this past month. The iraqis are plenty capable of protecting them. Why can't you people see the simple truth.
Bush spoke after separate air crashes killed four American and four Italian troops in Iraq. The governor of Anbar province, taken hostage three weeks ago, was killed during clashes between U.S. forces and the insurgents who abducted him.
Hey they have democratically elected leaders, I don't know why they keep getting killed, I'm a Democratically elected leader, I mean I am The President, and they are not trying to kill me.
Standing in the sun, sweat beading on his forehead, Bush said the job of the U.S. forces in Iraq is to help train the nation's own forces to defeat insurgents.
There are plenty capable of taking care of the situation, but we need to keep the troops over there to protect all that black liquid gold, screw the damn people, ours and theres. Bush thought to himself
"I think the Iraqi people dealt the insurgents a serious blow when we had the elections," Bush said. "In other words, what the insurgents fear is democracy because democracy is the opposition of their vision." Yes a serious blow. Thats why since I said Misson Accomplished those insurgents have killed 1450 of our soldiers. and God knows how many of their people. Of course you people are stupid enought to believe everything I say so I will just keep on talking.
On another foreign policy issue, Bush shot back at critics who suggest his diplomatic approach to North Korea is allowing the communist regime to expand its nuclear program. "If diplomacy is the wrong approach, I guess that means military. That's how I view it as either diplomacy or military. I am for the diplomacy approach," he said. "And for those who say we ought to be using our military to stop a problem, I would say that while all options are on the table, we've still got a ways to go to solve this diplomatically."
Yes I believe in diplomacy, thats why we cooked up the fake report of WMDs, and why it is documented that we were ready to go to war before we ever began any kind of diplomacy with Iraq. See the thing is there is no Oil in North Korea. So we'll be diplomatic as hell with them
Bush said he expressed concerns with Russian President Vladimir Putin about legal proceedings against former oil tycoon Mikhail Khodorkovsky. Once the richest man in Russia, Khodorkovsky was convicted Tuesday of fraud and tax evasion and sentenced to nine years in prison following a trail widely denounced as politically motivated. "Here, you're innocent until proven guilty He said with a slight smirk and it appeared to us, at least people in my administration, that it looked like he had been judged guilty prior to having a fair trial," Bush said. "We're watching the ongoing case."
Hey he's an oil guy. So of course we care about any one in the brotherhood, otherwise I wouldn't give a rats ass about the guy.
On the Amnesty International report, Bush said, "It seemed like to me they based some of their decisions on the word of the allegations by people who were held in detention, people who hate America."
People who hate America, that would be everyone except Americans, and Tony Blair. You can't trust them. We put them in prison and tort... goddman it Interogated them, so of course they hate us.
The president opened the news conference by urging Congress to pass his stalled energy legislation, restrain the growth of government spending, approve the Central American Free Trade Agreement and overhaul Social Security with a partial privatization plan.
All mah plans seem to be stalling lately. Especially the one about restraining Government spending. I keep telling em to restrain, but they keep giving me more billions to screw up in Iraq
Despite democratic opposition and Republican skittishness about his plans for Social Security, he said he would push forward. "It's like water cutting through a rock. I'm going to keep working and working and working," he said. "...The people are watching Washington and nothing is happening. Except you've got a president who's talking about the issue and a president who's going to keep talking about the issue until we get people to the table."
That "Nothing is happening in Washington, is that best thing that has happened in Washington in the past 4 and a half years, is starting to piss me off. George said
He declared that the economy is strong, with 3.5 million jobs in two years and an unemployment rate of 5.2 percent. "Obviously, these are hopeful signs, but Congress can make sure the signs remain hopeful," he said in a five-minute opening statement in the Rose Garden.
We've had 3.5 million jobs in the past year, which means I have still lost jobs since I took office. And it doesn't matter that 3.3 Million of those jobs are in the service industry. "Hey Mcdonalds is a good job for you people, you should thank the lord. Which I don't personally believe in, else how could I go around doing what I do.
After a bruising week on Capitol Hill, Bush urged both political parties to "set aside partisan differences" and work together.
Why can't those damn Democrats just keep rolling over and give me what I want. Toghether we can achieve anything I want.
Though he did not mention tax cuts in his opening argument, Bush said he still wants Congress to make his first-term cuts permanent. He also pledged not to give up on Social Security reform, despite intense opposition on Capitol Hill. "The easy path is to say, `Oh, we don't have a problem. Let's ignore it -- yet again'."
I will never waver in my commitment to give your money to my mega rich buddies, and I will not rest until we have stolen all the money in Social Security for ourselves. Its not an easy path but like I said, thats what they pay me for
On a lighter note, Bush said he was comfortable with the decision by his staff and Secret Service not to notify him when the White House and Congress were evacuated in May because of an errant airplane. Noting that his wife, Laura, has said he should have been told of the potential threat, the president joked, "She often disagrees with me."
He added I don't want to know when the next terrorist attack hits. Just tell Dick, and he'll let me know when its safe to come out of the bunker. I got my game boy, set up down there, so I will have plenty to do while I wait for work from Uncle Dick

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